Sigh. I am so emotionally immature. I have however learned something about me and my mom. Whenever she gets mad at me or I hurt her feelings and she starts giving me the silent treatment, the best way to make her feel better is to give her a hug and apologize for whatever it is, no matter who is right or wrong or who started it. What I feel doesn’t really matter, because it sucks when my mom is mad, not talking to me, passive-aggressively silently clamoring to everyone in the house how unhappy she is.
I am pretty dependent on my parents for things like food and the daily things we need to survive, and also help with watching the dogs when I don’t feel good. So, I can’t have her being mad at me and giving me the silent treatment for days. Yesterday, I was eating and my dog came to me begging for food, but I didn’t give him any of my food because it was hella salty, and if I didn’t think it was healthy for me it probably wouldn’t be healthy for him either. And then, my mom sits down beside me eating some bread and proceeds to give the dogs bites of her bread. And I just got a bit enraged and left the room before I blew up and said something that would make her mad. But I couldn’t stop thinking about it, so later I tried to tell my mom I didn’t like it that she fed my dog when I was eating especially after I refused to give him any human food that wasn’t in his bowl.
And this morning I find out that my mom was upset because I had yelled at her. I am pretty sure I didn’t yell at her. I was clearly angry though. But wtf really. She knows I don’t like it when my parents feed the dogs when they’re begging like that. But my parents do it anyway. At least, put the food in their bowls. Sigh. My parents yell at me all the time. And they yell at each other all the time. Idk why my mom acts like she’s a victim. She’s really good at making me feel bad. It’s exhausting. I feel like I have to try so hard to be nice to my parents and get along with them. My parents are gonna do whatever they want no matter what. Because they’re the parents and I’m the child and I’m supposed to be respectful not the other way around. But in the end saying sorry and making up with mom makes everything and everyone else feel better. Until the next time we argue again…
BEING KATINKA 