Titanstrike & Talonclaw

In WoW, I acquired the artifact weapons for the other two Hunter specs. The Beast Mastery scenario was the easiest to complete of all three specs and took me back to Ulduar, which used to be my favorite raid. Wrath of the Lich King is still my favorite expansion. Maybe, Legion will change my mind.
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Brightpaw

I started playing WoW again not only for fun and social interaction with my guildies, but also for a distraction from my problems and frustration with politics. I guess, as a way to relieve some of my stress and anxieties. But you can’t get away from this election even in WoW. For instance, a couple days ago when I was leveling my dwarf shaman in the Legion invasions, some dude invited me to join a guild named “Make Azeroth Great Again.” LMAO. NOPE. And yes, I saw in trade chat some of those LOCKHERUP hate speech. Next time, I see something like that, I’m reporting it.

Anyway, I fast-leveled my shaman Nnedi (named after the SFF author Nnedi Okorafor) to 60 in about six hours over three days by resetting the Legion invasions over and over. I did about 20 levels in 2 hours. Then, I used my character boost to level her to 100, with skinning and leatherworking maxed to 700. I’ve only got one more alt (my monk) to level to 100. This Tuesday, Blizz did a hotfix so that the invasions aren’t on a timer and are basically ongoing. It’s tempting to level more alts, but it is kind of a pain already. And it takes longer from 90 to 100. Plus, I don’t need another alt at this time, with the expansion coming out on Tuesday! Yay! Can’t wait.
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Saturday Picture-Taking

My therapist has been encouraging me to do something different from my routine at least once a week. My routine consists of staying in my room all day, reading, working on my book review blog (which I will be discontinuing in October), watching TV (can’t wait for the new season of The Voice), and only going out to the drugstore, doctor appointments, massage therapy, and psychotherapy, and leaving my room to eat, etc. Sometimes, I go out to the garden for some sun and fresh air. Infrequently, I take 15-20 minute walks around the neighborhood.

Well, this weekend I did something totally outside my routine. My brother Eric and his fiance Elsa came to town for wedding preparations. They are getting married in October. On Friday, they went to meet the pastor, who is officiating their wedding, and the caterer. Though Eric and Elsa live in the SF Bay Area, they decided to have the wedding and reception at the Embassy Suites here in town, because we have a lot of family coming from the LA San Fernando Valley area, which is about a 45-50 minute drive versus a 6-hour drive to the Bay Area. Elsa’s immediate family, a few relatives and friends, however, we will driving down and staying in town for the wedding.
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Looking for Imagination

I figured I haven’t been writing lately because I’ve been watching too much TV, specifically politics on MSNBC. I’ve been obsessed with the 2016 election cycle. It’s probably not all that good for my mental health, because the news can be depressing and can cause fear and anxiety, and I have enough anxiety in my life already. I take 3mg of Ativan a day because of my anxiety.

Yesterday, I saw my psychiatrist. I told him I was okay, but I haven’t been doing any writing. My mood though has been pretty stable, so we didn’t make any changes to my meds. I haven’t been badly depressed. I just feel like I don’t have a lot of motivation, inspiration, and energy to write. As always, my psychiatrist advised me to exercise or go walking. Taking walks has been a real struggle for me the past couple years. I hardly ever leave the house, and I’m very isolated and lonely.

I want to feel something. I want to feel passion and passionate about my book. I want to create again, but I don’t know where my imagination went. How can I write a book if I can’t even imagine it?

 

 

Disabled Dreams

I’ve been having trouble writing for a couple years now. I started up this blog in hopes that blogging will start up my writing. I need to write a book, whether it’s a novel or a memoir. I just need to feel like I’m doing something with my life. It’s depressing that I’m not doing anything meaningful, that I’m not creating, that I’m not achieving my longtime dream of being a writer and getting published. I used to want to make a living as a writer. Instead, I have been disabled by mental illness, and I don’t know if I’ll ever make my dreams come true. If I were manic, I would probably be writing a lot. But sometimes I don’t even know if it’s worth it anymore, if it really matters.

Sinawali

Tired AF. Started playing WoW again on Aug 9th for early access to new Legion class, Demon Hunter. Named her Sinawali, which was my main in SWTOR. Now, I am obsessing about WoW again and projects in WoW like leveling up professions on my Demon Hunter. I’ve been staying up tweaking addons and messing around with the new features and class changes that were introduced in the pre-release patch. I hope we’re getting a tab for Tabards in Legion, because they take up so much space in my bank.