I figured I haven’t been writing lately because I’ve been watching too much TV, specifically politics on MSNBC. I’ve been obsessed with the 2016 election cycle. It’s probably not all that good for my mental health, because the news can be depressing and can cause fear and anxiety, and I have enough anxiety in my life already. I take 3mg of Ativan a day because of my anxiety.
Yesterday, I saw my psychiatrist. I told him I was okay, but I haven’t been doing any writing. My mood though has been pretty stable, so we didn’t make any changes to my meds. I haven’t been badly depressed. I just feel like I don’t have a lot of motivation, inspiration, and energy to write. As always, my psychiatrist advised me to exercise or go walking. Taking walks has been a real struggle for me the past couple years. I hardly ever leave the house, and I’m very isolated and lonely.
I want to feel something. I want to feel passion and passionate about my book. I want to create again, but I don’t know where my imagination went. How can I write a book if I can’t even imagine it?
I’ve been having trouble writing for a couple years now. I started up this blog in hopes that blogging will start up my writing. I need to write a book, whether it’s a novel or a memoir. I just need to feel like I’m doing something with my life. It’s depressing that I’m not doing anything meaningful, that I’m not creating, that I’m not achieving my longtime dream of being a writer and getting published. I used to want to make a living as a writer. Instead, I have been disabled by mental illness, and I don’t know if I’ll ever make my dreams come true. If I were manic, I would probably be writing a lot. But sometimes I don’t even know if it’s worth it anymore, if it really matters.
Tired AF. Started playing WoW again on Aug 9th for early access to new Legion class, Demon Hunter. Named her Sinawali, which was my main in SWTOR. Now, I am obsessing about WoW again and projects in WoW like leveling up professions on my Demon Hunter. I’ve been staying up tweaking addons and messing around with the new features and class changes that were introduced in the pre-release patch. I hope we’re getting a tab for Tabards in Legion, because they take up so much space in my bank.